Horriblescopes

You are likely to have a new, exciting and sexually passionate relationship. This is a time for new and exciting things, not the routine. This leads to what will happen if you are already in a relationship. Expect the unexpected! Maybe even a baby or news about pregnancy! – Gemini yearly horoscope for 2017 from Sunsigns.org

On New Year’s Day the first thing I did was read my horoscope for the coming year. I don’t know why I bother. Those darn things are never remotely accurate but I keep hoping.  However, this year they really screwed the pooch. The last thing I need in my life is an affair!  I can barely handle one man. horoscope

My husband thinks it’s silly to read horoscopes (he calls them horriblescopes) however he is neither superstitious nor overly imaginative (he’s an Aries, wouldn’t you know). He’s also quick to point out that due to the shifting of the earth’s axis and numerous other “scientific” facts, I was born under the sign of Taurus and not Gemini. He’s wrong, of course. Here’s a description of the typical Gemini (from Serendipity Astro-lovers):

The eyes [of a Gemini] aren’t big, but they are bright and may be blue, gray, hazel or brown in color.

The facial expression is both bright and alive, but subject to change.

I think that describes me to a “T,” don’t you? I have either blue or grey or brown eyes and my facial expressions are alive and change.  Definitive proof that I am indeed a Gemini.

My husband is always trying to prove he’s smarter than I am.  This is because he was born in the Chinese year of the Rooster and they like to strut around with their chests all puffed out bragging.  I’ve forgotten what manner of fowl he is: Metal, Water, Fire or Earth. I was born in the year of the Tiger which means I’m impulsive and fearless but, according to Travel China, definitely not romantic.

“Tigers cannot give sweet love to their partners because they lack a sense of romance.”

So, I guess when that special someone comes along I’ll have to warn him to only expect sex – no sweet love from me.

th-2

Well, here we are heading into the year of the Rooster with a man born in the year of the Dog as our president. If you’ve ever lived on a farm, you know dogs don’t always get along with roosters.  But, looking on the bright side, maybe Donald Trump (who’s also a Gemini) will have a passionate love affair and get pregnant!

 

 

23 thoughts on “Horriblescopes

  1. Hah!
    I love astrology 🙂 I’d say there’s a lot more to Gemini than that, but I do see your points 🙂 My husband is the dog, and I cannot tell you how I would react if he were to become pregnant. I just don’t even know what I would do or say first.
    My son is the rooster, and man, I hope it’s HIS year!

  2. Good one Jan! My husband told me he was born a gentle Pisces dreamer, but I see from the double-edged compliments that he is an Sagittarius – probably Gemini rising (“I never said that”).

  3. I have a friend who wants your phone number (sex – no sweet love) is fine with him. He’s ready to be your “new, exciting and sexually passionate relationship.” (Hey if you want to trade birthdays….)

  4. I always like my Scorpio horoscopes, Jan. I am lucky to be passionate and feisty. This gets easier to carry out, the older that I become! Ha ha, I can plead my age causes me to talk back. 😀

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