The other day I received a communication of the utmost confidentiality and significance from a Mr. Pauwels Gaetan informing me that his client, Engr. Eldric Twissel, a distinguished business contractor for decades in Brussels had passed away due to a myocardial infarction shortly after the tragic loss of his entire family in a vehicular accident. In case you don’t believe me, here is that very same communication (with a bit of berry pie spilled on it I’m afraid.)
Reading further, I was stunned to learn that I am apparently the last living Twissel on the planet! And, as such, I am eligible to inherit good old Eldric’s 9,995,980.00 (Nine Million, Nine Hundred Ninety-Five Thousand, Nine Hundred Eighty Euros) which will make me – gasp – a billionaire? (I have no idea what the exchange rate is so I’m just guessing.)
Unfortunately my friends, billionaires don’t blog. But I’ll remember each of you fondly on my yacht.
First … I suppose I’ll have to hire Pauwies to “assist” me through a “entirely legitimate” process with “no legal risks or exposure” to myself. All he expects in return is half of the 9,995, 980.00 Euros! What a gent!
Next, I guess I better head down to my bank to prepare them. Pauweis will undoubtedly want access to my account. You know, to make it easier to transfer the funds. Oh, and I better call my tax guy … perhaps I should relocate to Switzerland in order to avoid horrendous taxes? Oh dear, so many decisions. So much to prepare for!
Of course, I’ll have to do something to honor Eldric and all those poor unfortunate Twissels who met their demise in some ghastly vehicular accident. Any suggestions?
Saying nothing in particular 
Oh man, you broke the “utmost confidentiality” clause and lost yr 10 million. So sorry. Now you gotta keep writing books 😦
I’d owed my loyal followers an explanation!
Are there people who actually fall for this? Hard to believe. I loved how you gave your imagination free rein!
Sadly they do. My mother-in-law believed she had a partial claim on some “kingdom” in Australia. Luckily her bank stopped her from opening up her bank accounts to the “royal prince.”
And to think we can say we knew you when…
Please remember your loyal readers when you’re looking for someone to help you spend that money.
😉
Did you receive this in an envelope in the actual mail? I think there’s a law against that kind of fraud.
The envelope had a Canadian stamp which did not appear to be cancelled and there was no return address.
Weird…
It seems like being the last living Twissel is a really good thing. Have a nice life and don’t spend all of your money as soon as you get it.
Actually there are plenty of Twissels in California – I don’t happen to be a real one though.
It pays to be a Twissel! — or does it?
I can’t say! Twissel is not my real name!
Well, aren’t you the lucky one? Don’t spend it all in one place. A stamp not cancelled sounds like someone placed it in your mailbox. Hmmm…
They target older people with unusual surnames. I use Twissel because my real last name is so unusual that I’m easy to trace.
So does that mean I am an Twissel also?
As much a Twissel as me!
Sadly, people get scammed by things like this. Some also send their hard-earned money to crooked political candidates in exchange for ugly red hats and other trash.
Oh well. I hope the pie was good anyway, Jan 🙂
The pie was good! I did not follow up but I’m pretty sure this was an attempt to gain banking information – that’s what happened with my MIL.
oh wow – this was really funny reading your comments about this scam letter – shaking my head still
Scam letter!? Nooooo! You mean I’m probably not going to be a millionaire?
hahahah
🙂
oh and it seems like the grammar has gotten a lot better on these letters?
I had contact with Mr. Pauwels Gaetan some years ago. I must of been the luckiest person ever because he represented a Nigerian prince who had passed away and I was entitled to a portion of his estate. The estate was worth at least $675 million dollars so I was excited to see how much I was likely to be awarded. All I had to do was forward my bank account details, my home address and telephone number, along with one regular deposit and withdrawal from my account.
Of course I was excited to think that I maybe rich after years of struggling so handed over everything that was required. He informed me that it would be a little while before he’d validated my details but I should keep an eye on my account’s balance.
Long story short my bank account was trawled of all my money and to this day I cannot work out how. Never mind, I had another eighteen letters similar to this, plus one saying I’d won the Vanuatu lottery so when all of those payout I’ll be richer than Bezos and Musk together. My new bank account has been opened through a bank in the Cayman Islands, I just need to wait.
Wish me luck, I’m going to buy the best jet to fly me to other countries, I’m going to buy a Russian oligarch’s boat for cruising across the English Channel and I shall buy a couple of cars whose names end in ‘uni’. I’m so excited I’m going to throw the biggest party ever, I just wish the postal service in Nigeria would hurry up. I’m getting impatient now, this has been going on since March 2000 and I’m losing all that interest.
Oh dear. Yes, I’m sure it’s the Nigerian postal service that’s to blame. Meanwhile did you at least get a certificate validating that you were of royal lineage?
I didn’t manage to get a certificate, no matter, I did get one allowing me to drive a tank. The royal connection was kicked into touch as film star and TV presenter HRH Danny Dyer had more claim to royalty than myself. It was decided, after a bit of a Cockney tear up, that as he was a little better with his germans that we’d knock it on the ed and take a trip down the battlecruiser. A few Britneys were shoved down the old gregory and then we was all round to my drum where a good time was had by all. Apart from Bullseye, he didn’t like the noise of us playing Chas and Dave records all night. I mean you gotta have a knees up after some toe to toe right?
To summarise – Danny Dyer is a bit tasty if there’s some shirts off.
I can legally go shopping in a tank or for more manoeuvrability, an armoured personnel carrier.
My dog doesn’t mind music, just not Chas and Dave. He’s got to go.
WTF! ….Oh! …what a tragedy! ….How gullible do they think we are ….
Shame though we could have all joined you on the yatch or visited you in Switzerland.
💜💜💜
Oh! Your mum had a good bank!
My poor MIL went downhill fast. But she’d been with the bank forever and was a retired kindergarten teacher who was held in great esteem in her community – thank goodness!
yes thank goodness it could have been a nightmare synario 💜💜
Billionaires don’t blog? Are you sure? Seems like you’ll have plenty of time while on your yacht to keep your blog going. Won’t your staff be doing all the tedious daily stuff, so you can write all day long!
I’ve never known any blogging billionaires but I guess there’s always a first!
Be the change you want to see in the world! 😁
Well, congratulations, Jan. You don’t become a billionaire every day. You can keep blogging. We’d love to see your ocean photographs.
Had me in stitches. But why be cynical, don’t we all find unknown relatives with just a few dollars under a billion? Does this mean I am a relative also, I can change my name to Twissel…….
I got one of these too. From the UK.
Letterhead, real address, real people. I checked them all out.
This guy, however, wanted to split the $9M. This solicitor had a client, same name as mine, die 5 years ago. The $9M had gone unclaimed until last month. It was looking pretty damn legit. Until I dug into this solicitor’s name and discovered it on the British Ledger of Approved solicitors — he’d been banned from practicing law in the country!
Sorry, dude. I could use a few $million, but, my matching name to some dead guy — and you hunting ME down out of all the other identical names… Hmm, I guess my name is one of the first to be listed if you search for it through certain channels… Ah, that was the channel through which this was squeezed.
Fun time dreaming about being rich, for about a day, though.
Whew! I’m glad you did your due vigilance!
Even with dyslexia, I could spot those spelling mistakes from a mile off. It’s a shame that some people still get taken in by these old scam letters. Right, that’s all I have to say today, as my new fiancée is waiting for me to transfer the funds so she can fly over and join me. What an attractive 21-year-old woman sees in an old gay man like me is anyone’s guess.
I can see what she see in you but you seem to be a happy gent! No need for extra drama!
It’s your age of course. I couldn’t work it out because I’m stupid but my friend says if she’s 21 and you’re a conservative, dare I say, mid fifties? She ain’t going to have to wait too long to inherit your Porsche. What do you mean you don’t have a Porsche? Well that makes a mockery of our theory.
Ever thought about buying one. Just a thought.
Who says I don’t own a Porsche? I don’t. I own three! I wonder if that makes all the difference to her😳
Time to daydream some more.
😂🤣🤭😂😅😂🤭
Ahh, thanks Jan!
I needed a good laugh!
Wait a minute! I got a letter today from Mr. Foubert at Naudbert Portfolio regarding our late Engr. Eldric Thomassen, a distinguished stockbroker and business magnate who died (regrettably) from heart failure who left the same amount as your relative. What are the odds??? I was going to call right away and have them direct deposit the Euros. Damn we were so hopeful.
The same amount? Well I’ll be damned. That means it must be legit!
Same letter, but last name Kolbe. Even the same amount of insurance and car accident.
Must be really risky to have an uncommon last name in Europe.
I would said these letters are too ridiculous to believe but unfortunately I have known people who’ve fallen for them.
Mr. Pauwels Gaëtan certainly has a broad client base. I just received a letter from him telling me that Engr. Eldric DiBiase, “a distinguished business contractor who resided in Belgium,” was also his client. Curious, I thought, that two such distinguished business contractors had the same first name and both lived in Belgium. But, coincidences do happen, so I read on! The coincidences continue, because Eldric DiBiase, like Eldric Twissel, also died of a myocardial infarction “shortly after the tragic loss of his entire family in a vehicular accident.” The darn luck! But, and this is really hard to believe, Eldric DiBiase also maintained an insured deposit amounting to €9,995,980. The exact same amount as Mr. Twissel’s account. Imagine the odds!!!
I was just about to contact Mr. Gaëtan to set the wheels in motion when I noticed that he was only offering to split the funds equally (50/50). Bah, not worth my time.