The ideal refrigerator

My refrigerator is almost thirty years old. In human years, that’s over one hundred at least. In terms of fancy features, it does have an ice maker but it’s kaput. When we had the kitchen remodeled about twenty years ago, I had them build the cabinetry for a large, modern fridge as I was certain the Kitchen Aide’s days were numbered. But alas, it just keeps chugging along.

Old Faithful – doesn’t everyone have flamingos, angels and the alphabet on their fridge door?

I dream of one day purchasing a refrigerator that can at the very least:

  • Locate the Dijon mustard that’s somehow gotten lost in there
  • Tell me which food items are spoiling and need to eaten or tossed
  • Order eggs and butter from the store when we’re running low

I don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you? After all, they make refrigerators these days with wi-fi

This one tells you the time and the temperature. You can also surf the net. And you can see who’s at the front door. Really?

Refrigerator to visitor: “This is the Amanda 4000. Please state your name and the purpose of your visit. Your photo has been sent to the local crime stoppers brigade so don’t even try to steal the garden gnome. I have special skills. I will hunt you down and I will squish you.”

No, that’s a bit too much. Just a magnetic surface and the ability to tell me where I left my glasses, that’s all I’m asking for. And no Zuul inside. Am I tempting fate?

Zuul who makes his grand appearance in a refrigerator. From Ghostbusters

31 thoughts on “The ideal refrigerator

  1. When we moved into our house in 2002 there was an ugly ass, almond… are you ready?… Montgomery Ward refrigerator. It was made in 1981 and I hated it…but refused to replace it until it died. 10 years later when it was celebrating its 31rst birthday and still going strong, I remodeled our kitchen and got rid of it. Big mistake. Now, 11 years later we’re on our third new refrigerator. They sure don’t make ‘em like they used to!

  2. The best refrigerator I ever had was in Norway. I just put stuff outside on the porch in a wooden box. It worked fine and was for free. Duke

      1. Sure, but I was usually stoned or drunk so it didn’t really matter. I almost went to Finland but was turned off by the “fishing, fucking, fighting” comment on the only things to do there. Duke

  3. Stuff I’ve never written about: Germany, Spain, Belize, South Africa (Lesotho, yes, but not SA), Luxemburgo, Afghanistan (Afghans in Pakistan, but not Afghanistan), Taiwan, Hong Kong, and Dime Box (Old Dime Box yes, but not Dime Box). Well, maybe I did write about Dime Box, can’t remember. Duke

  4. Hi Jan, our refrigerator is also old. We bought it when we got married 22 years ago. One less thing to have to replace is fine with me. I put my car keys in the fridge by mistake once when I was pregnant. It took me ages to find them.

    1. The older fridges seem to last longer than the new ones so I guess we should count ourselves as lucky. My fridge is pretty deep which means finding things can be a problem! I can see putting the car keys in the fridge. That would be something I would do and I’m not pregnant!

  5. Refrigerator talk makes me nervous. Ours is going on year 12, which in today’s appliance world makes it a relic. I don’t want to buy a new one, so I say a silent prayer when I walk by it. So far, so good.

      1. I know…..
        Step away you are on a diet!
        Put that down it’s ten minuites pas it’s sell by date.
        If you don’t clean me now I am ringing the.D.H. H!


  6. Do you live in Contra Costa County? I live in Walnut Creek! I give to KQED! Yay for fridge art!

    I’m with the others on the fridge. They do NOT make them like they used to. The last time we had to buy a new one, the guy who came to try to fix our old one said you can spend a little or spend a lot, they come with different bells and whistles, but the guts that make things cold and so on are all the same, and all cheaply made. Keep that thing until it is dead dead dead.

    1. One of our sons works as a contractor and he says the more you spend on a fridge, the more likely they’ll break down. Walnut Creek is a great town – we get down there a lot.

    1. We got the fridge from Sears which used to be a great place to buy appliances but alas it’s gone downhill (if indeed it’s even still around.) I’ve found many scary things in my fridge -nothing like salsa that’s gone terribly bad. Ugh – but no Zuul either.

  7. you are so funny!
    and I liked seeing your fridge – it gives us an inside look into your life
    but then I felt a knot in my stomach because i am so disgusted at how fridges do not last anymore –
    we are on our third one in 13 years
    the one in 2011 lasted about 7 years and the part to fix would have been half the cost of new and better one (it was Maytag and when growing up that was a good brand – ot anymore)
    then we got a replacement and think it was frigidaire – might have blocked out the brand as a survival mechanism – because during week one of bringing it home – the side door shelf holder broke – right off
    then the freezer had shelves that slid out of the holes – after a year of shelf drop – the hubs made some extenders and we were both so proud of this idea we both came up with – our pride made up for how ugly the little orange extenders looked
    the quality was so poor and it was medium priced (if that makes sense)
    then it had the leak that the other fridge had (why, hmmm)
    so we got our third fridge in three years (and gave that one away and it was picked up in a few hours)
    but you know – these new ons are so junky and it is washing machines too – I will never buy the Samsung brand again – there washer and dryers are always on clearance at our local home store
    they have signs like “repaired – half off” and I shake my head –
    when you do get a new fridge – maybe stick with the brand you bought 30 years ago –
    even though I am not sure any of the ones made today are built to last more than 10 years (I think it is sneaky and just poor workmanship)

    sorry for the rant…

    but long gone are the days of well built appliances

    1. My daughter swears by the LG brand and she really abuses appliances. You got me worried now because my fairly new washer is a Samsung! We have a Samsung TV that’s lasted forever so we thought why not!

      1. I actually thought of your post twice this week when I saw Kitchen Aide commercials – funny how our blog friends sometimes come with us into our everyday life

  8. I believe there are already fridges that can order certain items when you’re running low, but what happens if somebody forgets to put said items back in the fridge? I dread to think.

    1. If they have wi-fi then presumably you order items from your fridge but I don’t think the fridge can actually detect how many eggs are in the egg carton. I can’t imagine coming into the kitchen and having the fridge tell me “Hey Bozo, you’re low on eggs.” Especially if I haven’t yet had my coffee!

      1. Years ago, I’d never imagined I could ask a small object to play the music I wanted to hear without buying a record or putting a piece of vinyl on a record player. But there you go. Anything can come true.

  9. Ever see the movie Mosquito Coast with Hans Solo/Indiana Jones? Takes his family down/up a river in the South American jungle to build a refrigerator? He used ammonia I think, as the heat compressor-expander fluid. Blew up I think.

    There’s also the thermo-electric chips that leverage the Peltier effect. They work both ways: run current through, they heat once side, cool the other. Or, heat one side (with a cooling sink on the other) and get electricity out of them. There are solar coolers that use the process.

    Two alternates to your refrigerator solution.

    There’s also the old clay pot in a clay pot trick, the outer one containing wet sand, the inner one containing your food. I hear it the bomb in Saharan Africa.

    1. Oh, I probably saw it a long time ago. The Hans Solo character reminded me of my father who thought his kids all needed to know how to live off the grid. He was also an engineer who invented alternative heating and cooling systems which were always blowing up.

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