I’ll never forget the day my boss informed me that he was giving me a raise on one condition: That I never report him to Human Resources for sexual harassment. We were sitting at the table in his office with his boss who looked at the paper with my new salary and said. “That’s not enough. She needs at least 10k more.”
“Won’t that look suspicious? Sharon’s bound to . . .”
“F**k it.” El Supreme Leader Victor said. “Give her 20k more! Let Sharon think what she wants! I can handle her!”
I have to point out at this point that my boss, whose name was Ilan, was the last man in that building any woman would ever accuse of sexual harassment . . . despite his attendance at any march in the SF Bay Area where scantily dressed (or downright naked) folks pranced boldly through the streets proclaiming their sexual perversions. He would take thousands of pictures which he couldn’t wait to share come the next Monday morning.
“Jan, look at these pictures I took at the Pride March!”
(I’m not really a prude but some of the pictures he was the most proud of . . . oh my.)
“Look at your face!”
“Those costumes look so . . . unhygienic.”
“You don’t like leather jockstraps? How about this guy? He’s wearing an edible jockstrap!”
“I just saw a mouse run out of your office with one of your cookies in his mouth.”
“They like the vanilla wafers.”
“Maybe we should call the exterminator.”
“Never!” What a beast I was for suggesting such a thing! A regular Bitch of Buchenwald! As a teenager he had been sent to Israel by his Polish parents to escape such monsters and now here I was! Working for him!
Generally at this point, the homeless man who’d made permanent residence under the one window in his office would rise and stretch and then whip out his penis and pee against the side of the building. Sometimes he’d hit the window and Ilan would giggle. The window faced a narrow green space between two buildings and was a prime location for folks to sleep it off in peace. To turn Ilan’s homeless guy into the police was unthinkable! Never! Who was I? The Gestapo?
That was back in the Nineties . . . and Ilan is gone now. No doubt surrounded by all the mice in Heaven. He’s drinking his Mr. Piss and sharing a loaf of bread and chunk of cheese with them. I can see it all now.
After I published my first book one of my ex-bosses said she was afraid I’d written about her. I didn’t know how to tell her she just wasn’t that interesting. But Ilan . . . well, I haven’t finished the Flipka sequel.
Saying nothing in particular 
He sounds like quite a character.
💕
He was a real sweetie but he did have a few fetishes!
I had a few quirky (and one certifiably crazy) administrators during my teaching career but nothing quite like this!
Funny thing was – his wife was a science teacher who won many awards! They were definitely an odd couple!
Oh boy….Will someone be taken aback?!
I think Ilan might have been happier in the entertainment field but he had that stoicism so many people who fled their homes to escape the Nazis adapted for survival.
I hope he’s happy and I know for sure that the mice are.
From what other friends have told me, he was no longer able to function on his own and so I’m sure it was a blessing for his family and that would have made him happy. He was a family man despite all his “naughtiness.”
What a wild story!
It was downtown Berkeley California during the early days of the tech explosion. I was lucky enough to work with many wild and crazy characters!
Well done! ________________________________
Thank you!
He sounds like a great character. Someone I’d enjoy. I think I’ll be in heaven surrounded by my beloved cats and birds, who will be friends.
He was beloved by all who knew him. I’m more of a dog person – they all seem like angels to me!
Indeed some people are just not interesting. 😉
PS. But Ilan was. Interesting. (Did you finally get the 20k? Annual I assume?)
Yes – Victor generally got his way!
👏🏻
This Guy sounds really amazing… A nightmare to work for though ! 💜🌞
He was fun to work for and I learned a lot – he believed women were smarter than men!
He was a wise man 💜💜
You had quite an experience with your boss, Jan. A female friend of mine actually showed a group of us some of those pictures of a pride parade. So off my radar that it was hard to get it out of my mind even years later. I am glad he thought women were smarter than men, LOL. The guy that lived outside of the building – even worse. I get why he wouldn’t want to do anything to him, though. I had a friend who lived in a concentration camp in Germany from age 4-9. The effects are never-ending.
Again, great story.
Thanks Marsha. There are a lot of exhibitionists who are attracted to those parades, that’s for sure. Ilan thought I was a bit prudish because, working with a bunch of men the way I was, I tended to be a little standoffish.
You have to have boundaries, and it sounds like you did well.
Your life has had some intriguing moments, Jan.
I got a good chuckle out of this. Thanks!
That job was a lot of fun and I learned so much. Many of the early computer programmers were also musicians and artists and writers – and they all lived in Berkeley which is famous for its diverse cultures.
I love that area of California. If I was an American (‘m Canadian) I would have gone to Berkeley!