Last Friday I broke into the Jordan Almonds that I’d been saving for some special occasion. Generally I don’t keep such treats in the house because I can’t resist eating them all. But I saw them on sale just before Easter and thought the children who planned to visit us might like them (and if they didn’t, well I deserve a treat every now and then, don’t I?)
Upon arrival, said children announced their intention to become Buddhists and move to some smallish island off the coast of Japan. They ignored the Jordan Almonds. They ignored the Sees chocolate bunnies. They instead opted for oatmeal. I flirted with Buddhism in my youth and I don’t remember Jordan Almonds or chocolate bunnies ever being considered taboo items. I remember sitting on the floor and meditating with homemade prayer beads (which were actually lug nuts on a string). And then heading off to buy a Baskin Robbins ice cream cone. I guess we were Hedonistic Buddhists.
But times change … On with my story.
Upon first bite I concluded that the Jordan Almonds must have been on the shelf for decades and that’s why they were on sale. Upon first bite I also lost half of one of my molars.
“How are you other than falling apart?” The young dentist asked after examining my x-ray. “The filing in that tooth is so heavy that the tooth actually broke apart. What were you eating?”
“Jordan Almonds.”
“The good news is: the filling is still intact.”
“So I didn’t swallow the filling … I swallowed my tooth?”
“Lucky you! No mercury poisoning and, I think there’s enough left of the tooth that I can build a crown.”
Dentists on a Friday afternoon always seem so chipper, don’t they?
Min, my dentist’s new assistant, orders me to stay seated for “the insurance.” The Insurance comes with another bit of “good news.” A new crown will only me cost a thousand dollars! But I’d better get it done soon otherwise I could need a root canal and that’s a whole lot ‘nutter ballgame!
I have never had a root canal but I will take everyone’s word that it’s worse than death.
“So … we can do now?” Min asks cheerfully.
“Really?” How could I get so lucky. Someone must have cancelled.
Before I know it, my mouth is swabbed with the numbing gel and then comes the needle. Halfway thru the dentist’s drill hits a nerve as that old metal filling decides to put up a fight. “Good news! That pain means what’s left of the tooth is still alive!” More numbing gel applied. My face puffs up like a balloon. Pretty soon it will pop!
After the temporary is made and set in place, Min appears with “The List” which must be followed or else: only soft food for two weeks (no Jordan Almonds), no floss on that side; gargle with Hydrogen Peroxide but “no swallow.” Take aspirin for pain, etc, etc.
I hate to break it to Min but there’s no way I’m gargling with Hydrogen Peroxide. Knowing me, I’d probably swallow it like I did half my tooth.
Saying nothing in particular 
I had a crown last year, and a root canal two weeks ago. The crown was worse than the root canal. What’s bad about a root canal is that you have to have your mouth open for a long time, and that generally you’ve been uncomfortable for a bit before you get to the dentist chair. Not wishing you a root canal, but just so you know, it’s not as bad as people say. I just assume people who say it’s horrible have never had braces, because so far, that is my litmus test for dental bullshit.
I hope all is better now!
Thanks J – only a little pain where the injection was. It’s good to know that root canals aren’t that bad!
Oh Jan, that all sounds quite unpleasant. I do agree with J above, however, that root canals aren’t as bad as the rap they get. I’ve had lots of them, plus many crowns, implants, and bone grafts. I wasn’t born with great teeth, and years of bulimia really took a toll. I’ve learned to climb into the dentist chair and let my mind wander as far away from the reality of the work being done as possible. Disassociating, I guess.
Good luck with the remainder of your procedure, and I hope you don’t need much more dental work.
I think I was very lucky that the dentist had the time on Friday to take care of the bad part. As long as I can remember Min’s warnings, I should be okay. I just thought his comment was funny. Other than falling apart, is everything okay? Sorry to hear about all the problems you’ve had with your teeth – you must be a very strong lady!
Oh my! I haven’t thought about Jordan Almonds in years. I’m sorry one of them is the cause of your dental problems, but I suppose if you’re going to need a crown why not go for it immediately rather than sitting around and worrying. Still, I’m sorry this happened to you. Dentists of Friday afternoon, yes same feeling, too happy.
I can remember when my mother played bridge – they always had Bridge Mix, Jordan Almonds, Sherbet Mints and Buttermints. All things you don’t see often because ladies don’t have afternoon tea parties like they used to. Yes, I’d rather get things over than postpone them.
Ouch! I hope things work out well very soon.
Damn girl! You’re having quite a week. It’s not often that swallowing your tooth is the good news, but he’s right… it is better than poisoning. Hope it heals quickly and you’re back to almond popping soon.
It was definitely not my finest hour! But thankfully I have good insurance.
A girl once told me that eating candy was the first step towards hell. She seemed unhappy and I never ate sweets around her, only salty snacks. We lasted about six weeks and then she just disappeared. A neighbor said her mother had moved her out and taken her back to Phoenix. Candy and women sometimes don’t mix. Duke
Well, she definitely wasn’t a Mormon. Probably a future dentist?
Grim. Definitely grim.
Could’ve been worse!
I was laughing at the hedonistic Buddhist bit, then grimacing in sympathy at the rest. I’ve never heard of these treats, but now I’ve been warned, and if I ever come across any trying to get my attention, I will know to ignore them. I’ll stick with Trader Joe’s mini dark chocolate peanut butter cups!
Ah yes – Trader Joe’s mini dark chocolate peanut cups are to die for and they probably aren’t responsible for a lot of visits to the dentist.
Win-win then. 😁
Should have started with those Lemoncellos, damn delicious, those.
Yes they are!
Oh! Jan that’s such bad luck ..
what an awful turn of events! I hope you survive this treatment! … I am so glad you are not gargling with Hydrogen Peroxide…that sounds rather dangerous!
As for the children ….how did you get them to move to an island off Japan? 😜😜😜
I was lucky that the dentist was able to take care of the tooth so fast. Of course no one wants to spend time in a dentist chair but that filling was quite old. My son and his wife seem to think that life in Japan will be so much better – less hatred and division. I hope it works out for them but I have my doubts. Still what can you do?
yes Jan I was being tongue in cheek it’s great to get the treatment immediately instead of dreading it as you wait!
As for your son and daughter.. best to say nothing, as you well know just be ready to pick up the pieces if it goes off course which we all hope it will not 💜💜
Ouch! Thank goodness Jordan Almonds are not on sale in the UK.
I recently had a 20-year-old crown come out while brushing my teeth. My dentist told me that I’d had my monies-worth out of it. Now I hope that I get my monies-worth out of the new crown she fitted, although it took almost three months before it was finally fitted.
Three months of eating soft food! Oh my.
I had a temporary crown for a lot of that time so it wasn’t so bad. I rather liked it too. I was sorry to say goodbye to it.
Sorry about that. Just broke one tooth too, and got two root canals in a row… LOL. Should have my two crowns put on this week. Then hopefully I’ll be ok…
(One feels falling apart at times doesn’t one?)
Hang tight…
And best of luck.
Oh Jan!
I’m so sorry for you. I hate teeth issues. I’m almost ready to eat pasta the rest of my life.
So, I like pasta!
Anyway, what a mess up! Hoping the new crown is on now!