Has this ever happened to you? A long time friend announces out of the blue that she’s started going to church and then waits for your response.
“That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
“Really?”
“Why, yes really.” (What did she expect me to say?)
I’ve had this happen a couple of times and there doesn’t seem to be a good way to respond. Churches provide companionship and solace for a great many people. Churches can do a lot of good in their communities and throughout the world. If I found one that didn’t demand I accept all church doctrines, tenets and interpretations of the scriptures without question or debate then I’d probably join. If I found one that studied other belief systems with open hearts and minds, then I’d probably join.
I should point out that I’d met these ladies in the SF Bay Area where for decades we’d worked (and partied with) gay people, trans people, Muslims, Atheists, Jews, Hindus, Wiccans, Devil worshipers . . . You name it. Both of these women had been married and divorced, both had had affairs with married men (and men of color) and both had probably endured at least one abortion.
And then both women (for different reasons) had moved to towns in the inland valleys of California where, after about a year, they’d informed me they’d started going to church. I could have informed them that I’ve actually read and studied the Bible as well as volunteered countless hours etc. But that isn’t the point, is it? Believing in the concepts of Christianity and attempting to act on them shouldn’t be a competition.
And so I attempted to move on to other topics and when that hadn’t worked, and the conversation turned stale and humorless, I’d moved sadly on.
Saying nothing in particular 
i might have been compelled to ask why and what was the impetuous. Spiritual enlightenment is a deeply personal experience, churches and all that they represent do not apply. However, for the feebleminded, who are incapable of their own trancedental transformation, begging for guidance from others in places of worship does offer a paltry alternative.
I have to reiterate that I’ve worked with many wonderful churches and I don’t think people join them because they’re feeble-minded. Both of these women were well-educated, accomplished and very generous women and I was happy they found a place of belonging but sad that it made them question our friendship.
It’s interesting how much people forget about their own histories or rewrite them to fit in. I’m assuming their new locale is much more religious and conservative? I was reared Episcopalian and enjoyed the pageantry and the liberal wing of the church. My problem is that I have a strong skepticism of the Bible, written so long ago by humans and then translated and mistranslated numerous times. I also doubt that Jesus was the son of God, although my Ancient History professor at UW told the class that he did actually exist. Perhaps he was a particularly charismatic street preacher? He got on the wrong side of the government by advocating for the weak and poor and was killed for it. Now this whole myth (or as my boyfriend would call it, a cult) has built up around that story.
I think my friends were looking for community and companionship which churches should provide without requiring you to confess and then be redeemed. But I could be wrong. We’re complicated … us humans. I too have taken Ancient History and it is fascinating how the simple message spread: love one another.
I rarely talk about religion because no good ever comes of it. But I’m guessing our views are quite similar.
😉
You’re a wise woman! To me, God is nature. I get rejuvenation and a sense of belonging from trees and birds and rivers and streams … etc.
Amen to that!
🌳
I like “God is nature,” reminds me of RBMjr.
I am an agnostic christian meaning I do not go to any church as such as I believe Religion causes, war and grief…but I admit they can do good. I try to live a christian life in my attitude to all. Plus Religion, Politics are taboo subjects. Thought lately I have been a tad politically concerned! 💜💜💜👍
I was trying to say: Don’t assume someone’s spiritual beliefs just because they don’t attend church. Especially if that person was/is a friend. No one knows what is deep in your soul. To me – that’s not really discussing religion, is it? If so, I apologize! My bad.
i agree no bad on your part … Probably my bad for misconstruing your meaning…lol hark at us ….too polite. No apologies needed we had a frank exchange and you are right 👍💜💜💜
Jan, your personal narrative editorial is compelling and thoughtfully composed.
During my full-time travels across America, I observed that only in America will Christians pose the question, “Are you a Christian?”
When confronted with this question, I reply, “Will you treat me differently if I am not?” My response shifts the conversation.
For context, I was baptized as a Southern Baptist and later converted to Catholicism. During my sixteen years of retirement, I distanced myself from organized religion because of self-education, aka reading books.
I have come to understand that sacred texts were authored by individuals with limited knowledge of the entire world (earth) beyond their immediate societies, many of whom believed the earth was flat.
Throughout my retirement journey, I have come to appreciate that membership in any of the more than 4,000 organized religions worldwide is not mandated nor required.
The professor I had for Bible as Lit was the son of a Baptist preacher! When he read parts of the Bible to us, he could really bring on the fire and brimstone! And then he would explain to us how those texts made it from oral traditions to stone tablets. I wish we’d had Youtube, etc., because that was one class and professor I’ll never forget. I lived in a small town in Missouri which had a sign reading “Welcome to Greenwood. Have you been saved?” My stay was very brief.
Hi Jan, I have not come across this with people I know. Most South Africans from all backgrounds are very religious. I do not believe in the manmade structures of religion and so I don’t belong to a church. I did for several years but the church turned on the minister for blessing gay marriages. He was so stressed he had a brain embolism and died. I left and have never gone to church again. When people join a church after many years, I suppose they wish to share their experiences and encourage others to join. That is how people are.
I have had folks encourage me to join their church which I’m always open to but this was different. They were telling me they’d changed in such a momentous way that all previous relationship had to be reexamined. It was actually creepy and I didn’t follow up.
I understand the creepiness you are talking about.
Churches of any kind across History have not been exactly tolerant… So I stay away from religion.
Having said that I fully support Pope Leon XIV who’s not impressed. 👏🏻
Be good, Jan.
I think when they work as vehicles for the common good of all, churches are vital to society but when they act as the voice of God when instructing proper behavior then they can be detrimental. It just all depends. Every church I’ve ever worked with has been different!
A lot must depend on the priest, I imagine.
Common good… sounds do much better than the ‘Greater Good’, doesn’t it?
it does … greater good reminds me of arbeiten macht frei.
Oh. Yes! That terrible motto…
Excellent, Jan. I think Christians try too hard sometimes, and I wonder if they actually trust in God. I don’t think He needs any help, and people have free will to choose whatever they want to believe. We should not assume anything, and we should have open discussions about everything without worrying about religion. People go to church for a lot of reasons, but in the U.S. it is becoming a social status and definitely a political one, as we continue to hear from political clowns in our two main parties.
It depends on what people are looking for when they join a church. Robbie’s story of the pastor who was condemned for blessing a gay marriage illustrates a congregation that isn’t looking for spiritual guidance but assurances of what they believe in! I would be looking for a community based church where ideas could be openly debated with all sides respected and listened to. I’ll let you know if I find it (although I’m not looking that hard anymore)
I’m with you. That’s a hard church to find, but a philosophy group is probably our best bet.