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The Stander On’er Thinger

JT Twissel 34 Comments

I have a confession to make: I am not as old as Joe Biden nor that other guy. But I stuttered as a child and had to endure speech therapy for years. Nevertheless, I still stumble over words … all the friggin’ time. When I’m tired I sound drunk. When I leave messages on people’s answering machines I sound drunk. And, given the fact that my mother was from Massachusetts, I say things like “take out the gobbage” and “woofs” instead of “wolves.” I also have math dyslexia and cannot write down a phone number properly. So I don’t judge people by how they speak or their occasional lapses in memory. Remember, the guy below was only 54 when he was elected president. 

But my biggest problem has always been what they call “word retrieval difficulties.” Thus, my language is peppered with zingers like: “Bring me the whatchamacallit.” And “Dr. What’s His Name told me to use the thingamajig to take my … ah … what’sitcalled?” It’s not age related and it’s not getting any worse (or better) with age. It certainly hasn’t tampered me in anyway. I’ve managed to teach classes and give a speech once or twice without sounding like an idiot (or so I was told).

My husband, who is also not quite Biden’s age, has a mind like a computer.  Or so I thought until …  the other day he asked me to bring him the Stander On’er Thinger. 

The Stander On’er Thinger otherwise known as a Stepper On’er Thingie

Well, I guess he won’t be running for president.

My garden dragon otherwise known as a What the Heck is it?

Happy Year of the Dragon! 

In the high and the low

JT Twissel 36 Comments

Nothing is more beautiful or frightening than an incoming storm.

Or several. Here in Northern California we are expecting another atmospheric river. The next time you hear from me, I might have gills. 

“The open doors of small shops and taverns gaped wearily out at God’s world, like many hungry jaws.” From Chameleon

Meanwhile, closer to the ground, signs of Spring. Whenever the weather is as gloomy and grey as it has been, I’m drawn … once again and forever more to … Anton Chekhov. I’ve had a crush on him since I was a teenager … before the Beatles, before the Stones, there was Chekhov.

Anton Chekhov (1860-1904) was not only one of Russia’s most celebrated authors, he was also a doctor and a humanitarian. The misery he often wrote about, he’d seen first hand.

“This poor, foolish queer creature, whom I loved the more warmly the more ragged and dirty his smart summer overcoat became, had come to Moscow, five months before, to look for a job as copying-clerk.” From Oysters

“It seems to me that in the presence of Anton Pavlovich everyone felt an unconscious desire to be simpler, more truthful, more himself ... ” Maxim Gorky, after visiting Chekhov in his dying days

I’ve read that in Russia he is still most famous for the “comics” (100 word articles written under strict deadlines for newspaper). They’ve been described as “uninspired sneers at the weaknesses and follies of mankind,” “a sanctuary of every kind of vulgarity and bad taste,” “trivial buffoonery,” “lacking the normal gift of nonsense,” and finally, “unworthy of translation.” Ouch! But hey, we all have to start somewhere.  

Are you drawn to read about long dead Russian authors on dark and dreary days? Or am I strange?

“Any idiot can face a crisis; it’s the day to day living that knocks you out.” Anton Chekhov

Darwin was wrong

JT Twissel 19 Comments

The other day … after learning that Turnip won the Iowa primary because of the Evangelical vote (or so it was reported on the cable news) … I flipped the channel and Inherit the Wind was playing. The original black and white movie, with Spencer Tracy and Frederic March.

If you’ve never seen the movie or play, it’s about small town in Tennessee full of church going folks who believe that the Bible should be taken literally and never questioned. To question “The Word” is to invite the wrath of God and since they are all soldiers in God’s army, they will become His wrath, His mighty sword. So, when high school students begin arriving home with questions about certain aspects of the Genesis story, their parents are outraged. Few have even heard of Darwinism, but they are easily whipped into a frenzy by their holy roller preacher. He convinces them that their children have been exposed to evil by their high school science teacher and now that teacher must die. They must be the wrath of God; His mighty sword. Soon the battle cry of “hang Bert Cates from a sour apple tree” rings through the town as they throw rocks at the jail where the teacher is being held for breaking a law banning the teaching of evolution.

Church going Christians hanging the high school science teacher in effigy

The resulting trial is a farce where all evidence that Darwinism is not a threat to morality is suppressed. Cates is found guilty and fined. But it’s fairly obvious that to lead a normal life, he will have to move far from that town.

What does that movie have to do with the evangelical support for Turnip, you might ask. In the book The Kingdom, the Power and the Glory Tim Alberta writes that evangelists believe God wants the United States to be his kingdom on earth and that they must do everything in their power to make sure that happens, even if it means taking up arms. This belief has been reinforced over the decades by televangelists out to make their own kingdoms on earth … the same snake oil salesmen who convince donors that Jesus Christ wants them to have a private jet like Turnip’s. (So give often and give generously). Apparently all of the seven deadly sins are forgivable as long you’ve taken up the sword and are willing to fight in God’s army.

This explanation makes sense, particularly in remote and isolated communities although it doesn’t make me feel better about future of this country. As Gene Kelly (playing H.L. Mencken*) said: “Darwin was wrong; man is still an ape.”

*H.L. Mencken was the journalist who covered the Scopes (Monkey) Trial upon which Inherit the Wind was based. His acerbic wit is often compared to Mark Twain and Jonathan Swift.

Oh dear, who to vote for?

JT Twissel 21 Comments

Here in California we recently lost one of our longest serving senators, Diane Feinstein. Regardless of your political leanings, I remember the Milk/Moscone murders and how she stepped in and took control. She was not a woman to be trifled with. Now we have to replace her.

Our “voter’s guide” arrived yesterday and the first thing Joel said was: “Holy Cow! Thirty people are running to replace Feinstein!” He hadn’t read the pamphlet; just the list of “certified candidates.” We’re actually having two elections: the first to decide who will replace Feinstein for the remainder of her term (until Jan 2025) and the second to decide who will serve for the following 6 years. Feinstein would have been up for reelection this year and so it didn’t make sense for someone to be appointed and then have to immediately start campaigning.

Only twenty-two of the certified candidates bothered to submit position statements for the guide. I guess the other eight figured that people don’t read anymore so why bother. Or maybe, like Ms. Gilani, they want to save the trees.

But … hasn’t she already betrayed the tree by submitting a photo to be printed and distributed to millions of people? So why not also include a statement instead of leaving a blank space? Doesn’t make sense to me but I have a pretty good idea where she stands on issues.

Some candidates submitted a statement but no photo. If you read through Mr. Grundmann’s diatribe you can figure out why. What do you suppose NO QUALIFIED PARTY means? Is the MAGA wing of the republican party changing it’s name?   

Mr. Early was a lot braver than Mr. Grundmann (he worked on the GI Joe television series!!) but I don’t think there’s any doubt what he’d be spending his time doing in DC. Investigating that nasty old Justice Department and rooting out the Marxist threat. Is there a Marxist threat?

This lady is practically a god in Biggs California (population 1,700) and good for her but I have no idea what sort of “grassroots transformation at the National level” she’s talking about. I doubt she does either but she is a beacon! 

Am I going to go to the trouble of checking out Liew’s website? Hell no. It’s probably a porn site.

Hey – this guy is balanced! But no telling what will happen if he gets elected and has to serve in the Senate. Think he’ll be able to remain balanced? Doubtful.

There are three highly qualified candidates running for Feinstein’s seat on the democratic side: Katie Porter, Adam Schiff and Barbara Lee. Our dilemma is to choose between the three. But it was my civic duty to at least read the statements of the others, right?  Yeah, right. It’s California, land of almonds and other nuts. Probably the only state whose voter’s guides can be amusing. 

The Celestial Smooch

JT Twissel 27 Comments

It’s rare to glimpse the moon in the morning where I live, especially this time of year. If it’s not the fog hanging about, it’s the haze. But the other morning I arose just in time to see the sun bid the moon adieu in a clear blue sky.

Kind of a blurry image but I only had only seconds to catch the first rays reflecting off the the moon’s surface.

It’s the third day of the New Year and I should be making plans, right? On the first day we can be forgiven for dawdling about. On the second day, well, we’re getting over the first day but on the third day there just aren’t any excuses. Time to get motivated like these blokes from one of my favorite feel-good movies (which I watched in honor of the recent death of one of its stars, Tom Wilkinson.)

I was surprised to read that this low budget flick did far better both critically and financially than expected. A group of unemployed steel workers decide to become strippers. Only one of them knows anything about dancing; only one of them is particularly handsome (or “hung”); and none of them are what you’d call “buff.” I mean, really! Who wouldn’t want to cheer them on? 

I’ve been working on a story about a family I once knew, which is probably why I’m having trouble getting motivated. It was a family that thrived on doing good deeds. They literally went to Mass every morning and fed, clothed, and sometimes even housed the transients loitering the streets of Reno Nevada. They rescued many lost and hopeless kids like me and always had a menagerie of pets, both domesticated and wild. On the surface, a wonderful family always joking and having fun.

But all Catholic tenets were indisputable. If you dared to doubt any of them, you were going to Hell. Even if you were as loving and giving as Jesus Christ himself, you had to accept all the tales in the New Testament as truth or you were going to Hell. As you can imagine, when the children became adults they all suffered from either schizophrenia or substance abuse. Not because they believed those stories but because they feared going to Hell if doubt crept into their minds. I see a lot of that fear in the world today and it’s frightening. Perhaps that’s why I’m entering 2024 on tip toes.

Fly Away 2023

JT Twissel 19 Comments
Goodbye to a year of grief for so many

Aside from attending a memorial in Reno, we didn’t do any traveling this year and so, on our yearly Christmas visit to the San Diego area, we splurged. We stayed at a resort a few blocks away from my daughter’s house.

For us, this resort was a splurge but it was actually one of the cheaper places to stay in the area. Across the street is a campground full of families barbecuing and playing loud music while they dangle on a cliff over a rocky beach. Given the humongous waves hitting the California coast these days, I’m not sure I’d camp on a ledge. Would you? But the resort had a bar and friendly bartenders, who, after a day spent making and decorating Christmas cookies and shopping for last minute gifts, were a real godsend.

It’s hard to enter 2024 with any optimism at all. Nothing to do but …

Join me, will you?

Best wishes for a better than expected year for us all!