Don’t eat the soap despite what he says

I haven’t been able to find a carton of eggs in the store for two weeks.   According to the produce clerk the last egg shipment (a quantity that usually lasts the store three days) was sold out in thirty minutes.  As to why anyone would want to hoard more eggs than they could possibly consume in ten days (which is about as long as a refrigerated carton of eggs will stay fresh, it’s beyond me.  You can’t freeze them or dry them. Do you suppose people are going to attempt to hatch chickens by sitting on all those eggs?

Honest folks, y’all just sit on them eggs awhile and you’ll have your own egg-laying hens in no time! 

And so we are down to our final four eggs. Maybe this week we’ll be able to find eggs at our local grocery but on the oft hand we cannot, Joel, who loves eggs, is being rationed.  One egg every other day.  It’s hardly a tragedy.   Some people don’t eat eggs at all.  Some are allergic.  Some are lacto/eggo tarians or whatever the term is for someone who who can live without any animal byproducts whatsoever.  I’m a firm believer that you have a right to eat whatever keeps you healthy and makes you happy but life without cheese is simply not life for me.

As bizarre as it is to hoard eggs, the hoarding of fresh onions or garlic surprised me as well.  Ain’t nothing worse that five pounds of rotting onions.  Maybe the idea was to chop them all up and freeze them? Or maybe make fifty pounds of onion soup to store in your freezer.  And what happens if the power goes out?

Luckily I had a few onions and gloves of garlic on hand.  I guess I’ll use them to grow some more.

Supposedly it’s very simple to grow onions.  You wait for sprouts to appear and then plant in dirt with a lot of compost.  I know I should be doing something more productive during my quarantine time than waiting for onions to sprout but there’s nothing worse than not having onions or garlic when you need them.

To quote Scarlett (O’Hara): As God is my witness, I will never go onion-less again!

But folks, there’s no need to worry.  We’ve got a president who’s smarter than all the epidemiologists.  He’s figured out how wipe out the virus with an everyday household product. That’s right, if you get sick, just take a bite or two of Irish Spring (or whatever flavor soap floats your boat.) His rational, if just washing your hands in the stuff kills the virus, think what eating it will do.  Heck, it might even make you immune


On a serious note, do not eat soap.  It probably won’t kill you (or make you blind) but it will sure make you happy you hoarded toilet paper!

Please tell me that you are all finding more productive ways to spend your quarantine time other than watching garlic cloves sprout!  I need hope.



44 thoughts on “Don’t eat the soap despite what he says

  1. Our local grocers have put limits on products which is what they should have done before the shelves were emptied. Two dozen eggs per customer … one package of toilet paper … if you can find any. I haven’t bought TP in weeks. At least the hoarders can be comforted that they won’t run out. If people shopped normally there would be enough for everyone. There is no shortage of supplies … products just can’t stay on shelves long enough. Some stores are letting seniors shop before the store opens. That’s all well and good until you get there and find 250 people waiting in line. One older guy said that waiting in line with hundreds of high risk individuals — who may already be infected — is not very smart so he left and said he’d come back during regular hours. This is the “new normal”.

    1. Oh dear. I’m so sorry to hear. I generally buy in bulk just because it’s cheaper but you can’t really hoard fresh veggies. I just checked out your photographs – they are incredible! I hope people finally realize that hoarding is selfish.

  2. I admit that the empty grocery shelves are a little unnerving and while you were dismayed to discover no eggs, in my case it was discovering there was no chicken. Chicken! Who would have thought?

    Stay well!

      1. I know! A shortage of chicken was something I wasn’t expecting.

        In spite of the assurances that there are no shortages and the supply chain is strong, the store shelves are still eerily bare.

  3. Hi J.,

    Given what Joanne has written, it looks like they hoarded the eggs before the chicken. Obviously, these are breakfast hoarders with circulatory issues. Thanks. Duke

    1. Lol. Maybe they don’t realize that the eggs come before the chickens and not visa versa. Or maybe all the chickens decided to cross the road and never come back. A chicken mutiny.

    1. Oh my. No spices? I lived in Germany in 1970 and even twenty-five years after the war ended, most villagers were living on potatoes and sugar beets and of course, schnapps. It sounds like the kids I hung out with (who are now in their sixties) probably remember those days. I hope they start to realize it’s not necessary. Take care and keep writing. Please.

      1. I’ve just spend an hour or more trying to order some food on different sites all over Munich?Germany. Mission impossible. The first next delivery is either in May, or they are sold out. I mean, these people are really something.

        Will do. You too take care, J.

  4. You can grow onions and garlic from existing onions and garlic? I didn’t know that figuring you needed seeds to do that– or a plant from the garden center. The only edible thing we’ve got growing is some parsley which is tasty but not life-sustaining.

    Do you know the old song with the lyrics: “it ain’t nobody here but us chickens… it takes a lot of sitting getting chicks to hatch”? That’s what popped into my brain when I read your post. Thanks for my ear worm of the day.

    1. I used to have a vegetable garden but it attracted way too many rats and gophers. I had to give it up. I plan to grow the onions and garlic in ceramic pots! We’ll see how they turn out. Supposedly growing from seed produces better crops. Sorry about the ear worm!

  5. I bet people are hoarding the eggs in their freezer, not realizing that eggs don’t survive that sort of storage. So, surprise surprise on the day they go to thaw them out. Bleah…

    Truth be told, I’m spending more time on social media and the blogs – I need hope, too.

    Be well! And keep writing.

    1. When we couldn’t buy eggs, we bought pancake mix that only requires water. The ingredients include powered egg whites. I’ll be interested in what you find!

  6. I heard the soap story. It’s as crazy as saying that the U.S.A will be welcoming back people at Easter.
    We’ve had the same problem with lack of eggs, but put it down to people doing lots of home baking. Still can’t get flour, but at least toilet paper has made an appearance on the shelves. For how long, though, who knows?

    1. You can make and freeze baked items so I think you’re right Hugh. Unfortunately we have a nincompoop giving meaningless press conferences every morning – no one should ever listen to him but then no one should have voted for him!

  7. I’m doing yard work earlier than normal. I’m starting to stock up on organic potting soil, getting the whiskey barrels moved to my deck for the container veggies, and buying some tomato, cucumber, melon and green bean seeds.

    1. Whiskey barrels? What a great idea! I’ve given up on vegetable gardening. It will be a miracle if my onions and garlic make it. We have lots of room in the backyard so I’m thinking maybe chicken coops!

      1. I like whiskey barrels, since it allows me to put in new, organic soil each year, and I’m able to control the varmints from getting at the fruit. I had chickens for a few years and I fed them organic feed, plus fresh corn. The eggs were great. The drawback is the odor, and the animals that they attract.

  8. I’ve been growing my own garlic for a few years now and each year I end up allocating more and more space in my garden for it.
    Around here we haven’t seen shortages on eggs, nor on most fresh veggies, but the shelves in the frozen veggies section of most stores are pretty bare. All the same I’m pretty sure the level of food wasted through all of this due to unnecessary overbuying is going to be insane – such a shame 😦

    1. I think you’re right about the waste. After a few months in the freezer, bread doesn’t take that good. And one good power outage will wipe out all your frozen veggies and meat. Any tips for raising garlic? I’m starting to get excited!

      1. Garlic is one of the easiest things to grow. In your case I’d probably consult the website one one of your local garden centers for tips specifically for your climate. Here we plant the cloves in the fall, cover with mulch and leaves, uncover after the spring thaw, and harvest in late July. In your climate I’m not sure.

  9. Arrrrrrrrrgh! J. It’s absolutely madness all of it. It’s almost impossible to do a proper shop at any of our supermarkets. All hail your all knowing , twit , I mean president.💜💜💜

      1. I pray you will all be alright. The U.S. now has the largest number of Covid 19 cases in the world…. And all that that encompasses and he reckons you’ll be sorted by Easter….yup Twit is much too nice. 💜💜💜💜💜

  10. Eggs are plentiful here. Or they have been, I should say. Since the TP has been out, eggs have always been in. I can’t figure out what makes the hoarders hoard, either.
    I’ve gone this long without eating soap, so I won’t start now.

    1. I think the hoarding of TP will be analyzed and debated on college campuses for decades to come! Glad you guys still have eggs! We actually managed to buy a dozen a few days ago.

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